Update

I had a lot planned to do in this blog, but one thing led to another and I ended up in that rut where I just couldn't bring myself to either write a new blog post or even make a new video for my YouTube channels. Sometimes, it's almost impossible to get anything done like this, where you want to do something, but you just can't.
Anyway, I will be planning out a lot of stuff for this blog. I will post lifestyle stuff (college life, vacations, etc.), possibly just pictures/videos, book/movie reviews, and other things like that. Oh, I might also post another blog post about my next chapter in life this August! Details on that coming later. :)
I want this to be a pretty fun blog, full of fun things that other people can enjoy.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to find a book to review that I either haven't read before or in a long time. Or, if you want me to review a movie, I can do that too! :3

Until next time,
Good day and goodbye!

xoxoxo

I've Had Enough

Before I begin this post, I'm going to provide a little visual for you all.

Now, just add a turtleneck to the sweater, pink sneakers, and a coat that is 3 times too big for a little girl. Okay, you see it? There's nothing revealing at all about this outfit, right?

Let me set the scene now: There's a 13 year old girl who has never had any interest in guys in her life. All she's ever been interested in is horses, books, and a good movie. Just a normal young girl, as far as normal goes. She's at a friend's house with her family, just hanging out, when her 'friend' tells her he wants to show her something. But it's where no one can see. She's hesitant at first, but pushes those thoughts hinting at her that something might be wrong, because he's her friend. He would never intentionally hurt her, right?

Wrong.

Now, answer me this:

Would you tell a 13 year old girl that she was asking for it when she was wearing this, when someone she thought was her friend took advantage of her and sexually abused her?

That's how old I was. I was the 13 year old girl I just described, and the outfit I just showed you was what I was wearing when I was first sexually abused. I'm 22 now. I'm still hurt from it, but thanks to counseling, I'm dealing with the pain better than I used to. I would cut myself just to control the pain, because I didn't know how to deal with the emotional trauma. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for years. I almost killed myself twice because I felt that I couldn't live with myself or face anyone if they knew the truth. For almost half of my life, I have been suffering through the depression and anxiety following the sexual abuse. It took me years to not have the nightmares every single night, reliving every agonizing detail of what happened.

And for almost half of my life, I have been silent about it.

Why?

Because of the society I was born in.

The only reason I refused to tell anyone about the sexual abuse was because throughout my entire life, I would hear in church, the media, anywhere that it is always a girl's responsibility to dress in a way that would not attract the lust of a male, because they can't "control themselves" when it comes to a woman's dress.

I felt like a complete failure because of this! I thought it was my fault that I was sexually abused, even though I was wearing the least revealing outfit of all time; I was responsible for what happened...I was a filthy object sexualized by the world that was unfit to be loved. I was a failure, so I kept my suffering in silence.

I was afraid if I told people about what happened that they would look at me like the filthy object I had been made to feel. But the more I was quiet, the worse I felt. No matter how much time went on, there would always be someone saying it was the woman/girls' responsibility to make sure the men/boys didn't stumble.

Guess what! It is NOT mine or any other girls' responsibility to make sure a guy doesn't stumble, because we CAN'T control what a guy thinks. It's called Free Will for a reason, people!

No, it's not my responsibility to try to control what a guy thinks, but that doesn't mean I can be as scantily clad as can be.

I am the type of girl with really long legs and long arms. I have always had people tell me the shorts or skirt/dress I wore was too short, when girls just a few inches shorter than me would wear the exact same length without anyone saying a word.

The true meaning of modesty has become so overly construed over time, people think dressing a certain way is better the real issue. Teaching boys that it is completely wrong to sexually assault or rape a girl, or not to look at her as anything an object but as a human being. It doesn't matter what we wear, because I am proof that a guy doesn't care about what a girl wears. Just as long as she is easy to attack, as long as she is quiet, she is an easy target. Easy to make her feel like a filthy object and a failure.

Well, I am sick and tired of seeing myself as a failure! I am sick of people telling me that it matters how I dress when it comes to the opposite sex! I am sick of the responsibility I never should have had in the first place!

I'm tired. I'm tired of being silent about this. I refuse to be the type of girl society tells me to be! I want to be the type of girl that God has made me. The type of girl described in Proverbs 31.

The way I dress doesn't matter to a guy, and never has.

Society is done trying to make me what I'm not.

I have had enough.